"You're drenched!" says my mother as I fly through the cottage door, and try to catch my breath.
Aunt Nancy grabs a clean hand towel from one of the drawers in the kitchen and walks over to me, "You're like a little wet puppy!" she says as she begins to sop up the water from my hair while I take off my shoes.
My toes squish the water logged in the bottom of my shoes. As I pull my soggy feet out from the muckiness, I'm instantly met with a chill as my toes are exposed to the cool air of the cottage.
I take the towel from Aunt Nancy who's only managed to tangle my wet hair, and wipe my face dry.
"Why don't you go and take a hot shower?" she suggests. I'm starting to shiver and my chin is quivering from the cold.
I nod and carefully walk up the stairs trying not to slip on the wooden floor. My feet are still quite damp.
A few moments later I'm standing under a stream of hot water, trying to salvage the peace and quiet of the shower before I return to the others. I lean my head back to let the water massage my forehead, and close my eyes.
My shoulders begin to relax.
Squeak. Squeak. Sqeeeeak.
I open one eye to see Consuela rubbing away the steam from the glass on the shower door with her sleeve. She peers through her makeshift window and begins to speak,
"Dat man iz cute!" she says with a big smile.
"He's married. Go away, I'm trying to relax," I tell her.
Can't I get a little privacy?
I see her walk over towards a stool near the sink, and before the steam fogs up the peep hole that she made, she pulls out some nail clippers and begins to snip away at her toes.
I roll my eyes in the shower and try very hard not to be annoyed by the sound of the nail clippers and the clicking of her toenails as they fly across the bathroom and hit the slate tile floor.
"Mia, dat Man he likes yer. And he iz so nice, yer know?" she says between clipping.
I ignore her, and so she continues; "I sink dat he iz a good choice for yer, you know, since yer iz not married. I sink dat he iz good."
"Really?" I say to her and raise the volume in my voice so she can hear that I'm agitated.
"He's married you idiot." I say and turn off the shower. My serenity is gone.
I step out and try to avoid cutting the bottoms of my feet on her deadly toe nail clippings. She looks at me matter-of-fact before continuing, "But Mia, yer iz all alone and da love it iz important!" she whines.
I wrap the robe around me, and tip toe towards the toilet carefully avoiding her nasty landmines along the way. I put down the lid, sit on it and cross my legs. It's obvious that Consuela is determined to play cupid, and so I have no choice for the moment (until she cleans up her toenails) but to listen to her.
"I'm listening," I tell her and point to the clippings so she knows that she better clean them up as soon as she is done.
"I iz sinking dat maybe yer iz not so bulnera....bulnero?" she looks at me confused.
"Vulnerable?" I say.
"Si, yes. Da bulnerable if yer iz haz da love in yer heart." she says and stands to start collecting her toe nail clippings.
"I'm fine," I tell her. She very rarely makes any sense, and so I only have to humour her for a few more seconds until the floor is clear and I can finish getting ready.
"But da love in da heart iz impotent." she says and reaches behind me to grab a big one.
"Really?" I goat her, more for my own pleasure than anything else.
"Si, Mia. Da Caballos Demonios -- it has da hard time taking over da body if der iz da love in da heart," she says and looks at me. I can't tell if she is frustrated with me or the missing toenail that she can't seem to find.
I use the clear path that she's created to walk towards the counter and grab a towel to wrap my hair in.
"I have love in my heart," I say to her as I tighten the turban.
"Mia, yer is not has da love dat yer iz can share. Yer has no children. Yer has no husband. Yer has no pet like da puppy dog," she says as she gets on her hands and knees to try and find the missing toe nail.
I think about what she says for a moment.
"So?" I tell her.
"So? So-oh? Der iz no So-oh, Mia. Yer iz has da empty heart and da Caballos Demonios iz coming. Da empty heart iz dangerez." she says and then manages to find the missing toenail.
With a big smile she stands and flicks it into the garbage can near the bathroom scale. She sits on the edge of the tub, and begins to talk to my back while I apply moisturizer to my face.
"I iz worried about yer, Mia." she says.
"I'm fine, stop being so melodramatic. Robert was mentally unstable, ok?" I say and reach for the hairdryer.
"No Mia, he iz has da empty heart too. Da empty heart iz dangerez!" she protests. But I turn on the hairdryer and drown her out. I can't listen to Consuela or her hysteria. Not now. All I can think about now is trying not to crush on Benny -- and maybe figuring out what I want to have for lunch.
