Friday, April 30, 2010

We're all hungover

Ugh!

My eyes have a hard time opening; the sleep has crusted over my lids. I squish my face; and very carefully crack open one eye, then the other.

Need water.

I turn to my left to make sure no one else is passed out in the bed with me.

That's a good girl...

I sit up, and am immediately slammed in the face with nausea. I slowly stand and try not to walk faster than what my hangover can handle. I can hear people talking downstairs, and so I slowly and carefully head towards them.

Walking down the steps is painful. My bones are hungover as well.

"Good morning," says Linda. She's standing at the kitchen counter drinking a cup of coffee. When I reach the bottom of the steps I see the remnants of last night; take-out trays litter the living room and kitchen, and Ralph is passed out face first on one of the couches.

At least he doesn't snore.

"Wasn't last night fun?" says Linda who is a little too perky considering the amount of alcohol we consumed last night.

"What I remember of it," I say and slide onto a stool across from her as she pours me a cup of coffee.

"I had the best time! I haven't danced that much in years," she says and starts to drift off into memories of the night before.

I smile at her. Dancing is fun. Everyone should dance at least once a week. It's good for the soul.

"Yeah, it's been a while for me too." I tell her and then look over to see Sleeping Beauty awake from his coma. His hair pokes out in all directions from being mashed into the couch.

It's...endearing.

"Coffee?" I ask as Linda starts to pour him a cup. He doesn't speak but simply gestures with his hand for someone to hand the cup to him.

I grab water bottles from the fridge for all of us, and then sit back where I was to wait for the nausea to pass.

Eventually, he speaks.

"I am sooo hurting right now," he says barely above a whisper.

Linda laughs, and then shows me a goodbye note from Aunt Nancy that was left on the kitchen counter. It says she'll be back in a few weeks. For me to have fun,

"...and whatever you do, don't burn the place down! Love Aunt Nancy," I read out loud to the others.

Got it. Don't burn the place down. Easy enough.

"So, what do you guys wanna do today?" says a very chipper Linda. I wish she would use some of her energy to start making us some breakfast.

"This," I tell her and try to balance myself so that I can control the nausea. "I'm too hungover to think about moving from this spot at the moment."

"Me too," pipes Prince Charming.

"We're all hungover," says Linda as she rifles through the fridge looking for eggs.

"You should put that in your dissertation," I tell her trying to be a smart ass at her very blatant observation.

"I have," she says and gets all excited.

Huh? Is this some sort of joke volleyed back at me that I'm too hungover to understand?

"That's actually a really good analogy," she says and cracks an egg. A moment later she's frying them up, and the smell seems to nullify my nausea.

"Linda's writing a PhD on Mysticism," I tell Ralph, who simply nods. He doesn't care.

"We're all hungover," she says proudly. "That is so succinct, it's perfect."

I look at her and try to make sense of what she's talking about, but can't.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I say. I don't have enough brain cells left after last night to wade through this conversation.

"We're all hungover! It's the perfect analogy. Everyone who is spiritually lost, or unhappy, or living a secular life is hungover. The path to enlightenment, is a sober state of mind -- operating at its optimal spiritual capacity. It makes perfect sense. Until we connect with the truth of who we are, we are actually living as hungover zombies walking around this Earth."

She gets all giddy as she starts to flip the eggs and make the toast.

"Linda, this conversation is too intelligent for my brain right now." I tell her. She laughs and hands me my eggs. I'm glad that she's had an epiphany, but for right now -- all I really care about it putting food in my stomach to absorb the rest of the alcohol.

"Sure," she says. Her feelings aren't hurt. But, I think it is kinda interesting that she is more enlightened about spiritual purpose than Ralph and I, and she seems to be less hungover.

In any case, I don't have the mental energy to explore that train of thought. I'll think about that later after a day of sleeping on the couch and watching movies.

"Thank you," I say to Linda as Ralph and I both grab our plates.

"No problem," she says with a big smile. "Why should you suffer any more than you already have?"

And with that, we make our way to the couches, and assume our hungover stations for the day.



Thursday, April 29, 2010

Life. Is. Good.

"My ring!" I hear someone behind me say as I walk through the main foyer of the resort.

I turn around to see a slim, well dressed, native woman walking towards me. Her hair cascades around her shoulders. She smiles.

She is gorgeous.

Figures.

I slip the ring off of the middle finger of my left hand, and hand it over to her as she approaches.

"I'm Linda!" she says with a big smile, and then reaches in to give me a genuine hug.

"I was only wearing it so I wouldn't forget to bring it over," I tell her and then introduce myself.

"Oh, I know who you are. Benny has told me soooo much about you. I can't believe you actually found it!" she half squeals as she places it on the index finger of her right hand and links arms with me.

We walk into the dining room. Happy couples sit at white linen table cloths, adorned with floating candles as centre pieces. The atmosphere is enchanting.

"It was in one of the upstairs bathrooms," I tell her. She nods, and then points towards the outdoor gardens.

"There's fantastic buffets. If you haven't eaten, we can sit and chat. I'm on my own tonight," she tells me as we walk towards the gardens.

The outside is louder, and filled with more people. Waiters walk around with champagne and wine, and so we each grab a glass of champagne as we head to a table.

"So, you don't work here?" I ask her. She shakes her head no as she sips from her flute, and tells me that she's working on her PhD in Mysticism; and writing an ethnography on some of the native tribes from this area.

"Fascinating," I tell her with all sincerity. I don't know much about mysticism other than it is the belief that God or the Gods are in everything that has to do with nature, and so nature is highly respected.

"At least, I think that's what it is," I say as we grab two more glasses of champagne.

"Your thinking of animism," she smiles encouragingly.

"So what's mysticism?" I ask

"Ah..," she laughs and tries very hard to summarize what it is, "Mysticism is the process of becoming one with God, through enlightenment."

"That's very deep," I tell her.

"Indeed," she says jokingly.

I like Linda. There is a cool vibe about her, and she is definitely capable of carrying a great conversation -- which the writer in me can appreciate.

"Are you planning on staying here all summer?" she asks as we both pick from a tray of what looks like crab stuffed into some sort of phyllo.

"Only until I finish what I'm working on," I tell her. "I'm writing a movie."

We talk about me for a bit, until Aunt Nancy slides into a chair across from me.

"You guys having a good time?" she says with a big smile.

How could we not?

"Absolutely," I tell her.

"Well," she starts and looks at both of us, "I have some bad news."

Silence.

My heart drops at the way she delivers it.

"What?!?!" I finally snap 10 seconds later when she's let it hang in the air long enough.

"Now, I know that I said I would stay up here with you...but it turns out that Hanky Poo Poo and I need to go out East for a bit. There's been some issues..."

I sigh with relief. I thought she was going to tell me something much worse than she has to leave me on my own for a while.

"Oh please," I tell her, "Just go! I don't mind, honest. Linda's up here, so we can keep each other company." I say with a smile. To be honest, with Aunt Nancy gone, I'll probably get a lot more work done.

"You sure, cuz you're more than welcome to come with if you want," she tells me and plops a baby shrimp into her mouth from a passing tray.

"I'm positive. Don't even worry about me, I'll be fine." I tell her. The buzz from the champagne is starting to kick in. Linda grabs three more glasses as another tray passes by, and I start to sip this glass a little faster than the other two. There is nothing better than a warm night mixed with the good buzz from champagne.

"I don't like the idea of you up here all by yourself," says Aunt Nancy. There is guilt in her eyes.

"I'll take good care of her," I hear a silky voice say from behind me.

A moment later a hand is on my right shoulder.

Heaven...

I look up to see Mr. Green Eyes standing there, smiling. He reaches out his hand and introduces himself to Linda.

Ralph. Ick.

I'm not crazy about the name, but he's cute enough that I can live with it for the time being. I tell Aunt Nancy one more time to go with my blessing, and then, I make my way towards the dance floor to see if he'll follow. Which he does.

I wrap my arms around his neck for balance, and sway back and forth to a song that I love. I start to think about how awesome the next few weeks will be; great and meaningful talks with the uber intelligent Linda-my-new-best-friend, being serenaded by one of the most handsome suitors I've ever had, and feeling content for the first time in a while.

I smile to myself.

Life. Is. Good.



Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The shoes are not important

Bend over, twist, aaaaaand flip.

I stand up to make sure that the towel is firmly wrapped around my hair. Now that I've showered, I feel re-energized and ready for the Grand Opening. I'm actually excited for it.

I lean over and look at myself in the mirror as soon as the fog from the shower starts to disappear.

Hmmm...should probably pluck my eyebrows.

"Mia," Consuela says from the hallway. I open the door and nearly double over in shock to see her mopping the floor.

Did hell just freeze over?

"Yes," I say. I don't want her to see me overreacting to her being efficient.

"Yer iz going to meet da wife of Benny?" she says. I can almost see the wheels cranking as she tries to process the idea of me being civil to the woman married to the man she would like to see me with.

"Well," I say as I walk past her and towards the guest room where I'm staying "I will have to give her back her ring, won't I?"

Consuela drops the mop and follows behind me; her dollar store slippers clack against the wooden floors.

"MIA!" she squeals, "Yer iz wanna be frendz wis dis woman? Dat Benny he iz nice to yer, and so I sink maybe yer should be wis him."

I roll my eyes.

Do I really need to deal with this?

"Consuela," I say and turn to face her. I catch her off-guard and so she slams into me. Since I stand a good 8 to 10 inches taller than her short Bolivian stature, I don't budge. The fat on her pudgy little arms wiggles for a second after impact.

"Listen to me," I say and replace the needle back on the broken record, "Yes! Benny is cute, and nice, and we get along. But Benny IS MARRIED. Comprende? And I am not about to waste my time chasing after some guy who is married when I seem to have my pick of the hotties around these parts. Got it? No more about Benny!" I say.

Maybe she sensed that I was attracted to him, and that's why she's on a tangent. But attraction and action are two very different things. That's where Consuela and I differ. She is definitely more carnal than me.

"Iz yer life," she says with a sulk.

"That's right! It is my life. Now, leave me alone so I can get ready." I tell her as I walk into the closet to see if I actually packed anything appropriate enough to wear.

Consuela just stands there with her pudgy little arms crossed across her pudgy little stomach.

"I iz not stooopid, Mia. I iz know yer sink dat Benny iz da good husband fer yer!" she says in an agitated octave a little higher than her natural voice.

Maybe she means the poorly translated version of 'husband material'. Or maybe she's just crazy. Whatever it is, I don't have time for this.

I've finally had it.

"Enough!" I yell at her and squint my eyes so she knows I'm serious.

A moment later I hear her dollar store slippers slamming against the steps as she grumbles her way back downstairs.

"Get back up here and pick up that mop!" I yell back at her. Two seconds later the grumbles and stomps get louder as I hear her pass by the door, pick up the mop, and drag it behind her as she stomps and storms back down the stairs. The mop clunks loudly down each step after her.

The moment has passed. Centre yourself...

I take a deep breath and try to forget about Consuela.

After arranging a few choice outfits in my head, I finally decide on a fun halter top and some dress pants, and lay them on the bed while I search in my suitcases for my shoes. I know the perfect set of shoes. They're red and fabulous...

I can't believe I didn't bring them.

When was the last time I had them? I must have left them back...

And then I remember.

Eli's.

I take a seat on the bed. I must be overheated from the shower because I start to feel a wave of nausea.

My shoes are at Eli's.

I lay my head on the pillow. I want to cry, but I can't.

I take a moment to compose myself, and when the nausea passes I sit back up and start to slip into the dress pants. A few moments later I'm blow drying my hair in the bathroom and thinking about anything and everything other than what shoes I want to wear tonight.

The shoes are not important.

Taking the next step forward, is.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Getting Ready

"[garble, giggle, Yelp!] iz sinkin' dat we's needing to finish dat!" yells Uncle Hank to a very tipsy Aunt Nancy as we pull our boat into the dock.

"Hanky Poo Poo!" she yells from the boat, "Don't get your knickers in a knot, ok? I'm not here to get all stressed out about what still needs to be done. That's why we have staff!" She reminds him as he gives her a hand stepping out of the boat.

"Hey, Uncle Hank!" I say as I carefully step onto the dock. "How much time do we have left?" I yell to them as they both head towards the resort to take care of some sort of emergency. The staff hustles to finish setting all the tables, and hang the outdoor lanterns.

A makeshift dance floor is being laid in the middle of the lawn.

"Less than two hours!" Aunt Nancy yells back to me.

I grab my bag from the boat, and quickly head back to the cottage to shower and get ready.

When I walk through the sliding glass door, into the living room, I'm met with Benny, who is in the kitchen.

"What are you doing here?" I say to him as he riffles through the drawers looking for something.

I walk over to him, put my bag on the counter, and place my sunglasses on top of my head.

"My wife is convinced that she left one of her rings over here. We used to stay here before you guys came up," he says.

"Sorry," I say. I feel kinda bad that I'm encroaching on Benny and his wife's accommodations.

"No, we have a great suite over at the resort. One of the Cabana houses. You should come over for dinner sometime," he says.

"Is that why you were here the other day?" I ask, referring to when I saw him on the top deck.

"Uh...no, I had to come back and get some files that your Uncle had left here by accident." he says as he rummages around in the drawers.

"So, you left...flew back, got the file, and went back to the city?" I said. That would explain why both Aunt Nancy and I had it wrong.

"Huh?" he says, and stops what he's doing.

"Did you leave, come back, and leave again?" I say.

"Yeah -- it's only a two hour trip. So I didn't mind, and well, I didn't really have a choice." he says and gives up.

"What does it look like?" I ask him. I figure it can't hurt to keep my eyes open as well.

"It's not expensive. It just has sentimental value. Her grandmother gave it to her. She thinks she must have taken it off while she was cooking...and maybe one of the maids put it in a drawer. It's silver with a black stone. Definitely let me know if you find it," he says and jogs back to the door to head back to the resort.

"I will," I say.

"You coming tonight?" he asks as he grabs his jacket from the bench near the front door and starts to head out.

"Absolutely!" I say, "I'm looking forward to it."

A moment later he is gone. I go to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. I want to dilute some of my buzz so I can shower and get ready properly.

"Mia," says Consuela who is lazily flopped on the couch in the living room reading some sort of trashy Spanish magazine dedicated to her precious South American soap stars.

"What?" I snap at her. I don't really have time for this.

"I iz seeing dat ring dat he iz looking fer," she says as she yawns and flips the page. I walk over to her and give her a look that tells her that I'm not in the mood for a cryptic conversation.

"Where?" I ask.

"It wuz in dat nice basroom upstairs. Da one wis da skylights," she says all the while engrossed in her magazine.

"Really?" I say as I start to head towards the stairs to go and shower.

"Yer don't remember?" she asks.

I shrug, but then head upstairs and into the bathroom -- and sure enough, mixed in with a dish on decorative pebbles is Benny's wife's ring.

I'll make sure I bring it to the party tonight. It's probably time that we should meet, anyhow.

A moment later I step into the shower and let the warm rain-like water wash all my stickiness from the day away. Tonight is going to be good.

I can feel it.


Monday, April 26, 2010

His ears must be ringing

"Suuuuch a good idea!" I squeal as I lay on the front of the boat while Aunt Nancy hands me some more ice for my drink.

One of the kids from the resort is driving us around.

The sun is out -- and it's hot. I no longer care about when Benny left, and what the hell is going to happen in my movie.

Not now. Now is for suntanning.

And drinking.

"So tell me something," says Aunt Nancy as she splashes more Rum into our glasses. "You're not planning on writing anything else today?" she says.

I nod. I'm waaaay to relaxed to walk back into that stress-ball.

"So," she says and looks over to the middle of the boat where my bag is, "why did you bring your laptop with you?"

It's a fair question. I answer as honestly as I can,

"It mitigates the guilt," I tell her. Somehow, if the laptop is around me, I feel less guilty about the fact that I'm taking a break from writing.

Aunt Nancy nods. I think she gets it.

I let the warmth from the sun's rays seep through the towel I lay on, and into my skin. A slight breeze passes every once in a while to cool us off. I am in heaven.

We lay there, sipping away at our drinks. In a few hours the resort will have it's Grand Opening.

There's nothing like having a lazy day in the sun right before a good party.

"You excited about tonight?" Aunt Nancy asks a few moments later.

I shrug, but then I remember about my date. I start to laugh.

"I almost forgot that I'm going with someone," I tell her. I have no idea if he's planning on meeting me there or not, and sure enough -- just as I start to think about him, I hear another boat's motor in the distance.

"His ears must be ringing," says Aunt Nancy as we sit up and see the Police Boat heading towards us.

"That's so much better than a white horse, hey?" she jokes as she waives to the kid driving our boat to slow down so we can talk to them.

I double-check to make sure I'm not falling out of my bikini before I stand and carefully make my way to the edge of the boat so we can talk better.

He gives me a big smile from behind his dark sunglasses. He is very hot in his uniform.

"Well, hello!" he says. I smile. This is rather convenient.

"We still on for tonight? " he says as he slowly passes by. I realize he's just teasing with me and has no plans to stop the boat. Since I have no idea what exactly will happen tonight, I just raise my glass to him and say "see you there."

I think he likes that I'm impervious to his different degrees of attention.

"Definitely," he yells back as he increases the power of his motor and takes off.

"They don't come much sexier than that, do they?" says Aunt Nancy as we both dreamily watch his boat turn the corner.

"They really don't," I tell her as I reach into the cooler for some more ice for my drink. "I couldn't have written him any better if I wanted to," I say as Aunt Nancy splashes some more juice into both our glasses.

"Don't tell your Uncle Hank I said that!" she says and laughs to herself at the thought of being with...

I really should get his name from him tonight.

Aunt Nancy signals to the kid that we're ready to continue, and so -- once we pass the wakes from the police boat, we pick up speed and continue enjoying the quiet, empty lake one last time before the season starts and all the people begin to spill into it.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Stuck

"Scooch over!" says Aunt Nancy. She's standing above me with a big smile and two very large glasses of what looks like Rum and Coke.

Yummy!

I swivel my legs around so she can take a seat next to me on the lounger. She's getting good at knowing when she can come by for a chat; the laptop resting on the ground as I sleep in the sun was probably a good clue.

"Cheers," I say as we clink glasses and I take a very large gulp.

"So," she says as she lights a cigarette, "how's the movie coming along?"

"Meh," I tell her. I'm lost in the plot a little, nothing I can't dig my way out of -- but it's starting to irritate me. I hate it when you lose the flow.

"Well, I figured you could use a break. It's such a nice day. This will be the last time we have the lake to ourselves before the opening tomorrow -- wanna go for a boat ride?" she says as she ashes her cigarette between the slots in the deck. I watch the ashes that don't fall through the crack get swept into the water by the wind.

"Helloooo?" she says with a laugh.

"OH! Sorry, I was just daydreaming." I tell her, and take another sip from my drink.

"Well, I know I don't know nothing about movie writing, but if you want someone to hash it out with, I can try!"

I like that she is always so accommodating.

"Well, it's weird because I know where I want to go, but to get there from where I'm at seems a little forced," I tell her.

She nods, "Like not natural?"

"Exactly, and well -- it's kind of hard to explain in words, but there's kind of this organic process when you tell a story. And, at least this is what I think, the story that is suppose to be told flows and things sprout out of it. And, if your not telling that story, then the flow of what happens to the character gets deflated. I don't really know if I'm making any sense, but right about now in the movie, I've kind of deflated her." I watch Aunt Nancy take in everything I say as she lights another cigarette.

"Huh, so your character is like, not doing anything interesting?" she asks.

"Well, not anything that could move her forward in the movie. I almost feel like it's on life support and I'm about two seconds away from tripping over the cord..." I tell her.

I don't know if I'm explaining myself properly or not.

"No, I get it. You're stuck." she says and summarizes my diatribe in two words.

"Yep," I say. It really is that simple. I'm stuck. I don't know what to do next that would have any significance to the story. I'm standing at the edge of a canyon; but the rest of my story is on the other side. How the hell does one jump over a canyon?

"Well, put it out of your mind. That's what I do. The answer always comes," she says with a big smile and shakes her empty glass to indicate that we should go back up to the cottage and top off our drinks.

I stand up and grab my laptop. I think I will take a break from it for now.

"Oh, by the way..." I start, "How did you and Uncle Hank hire Benny? He's not from around here, right?" I start to pry as we walk back towards the cottage.

"Uh...," she thinks for a second before answering, "I think he moved here with his wife for this job, but I don't really know where he's from. Why?"

Aunt Nancy has a sixth sense about these things. My transparency is, I'm sure, also helping.

"Nothing, I just assumed he was from this area," I tell her.

"What difference would it make?" she asks and offers to take my glass so I can balance myself better as we go up the stairs.

"I guess none, really. Just being nosey." I tell her and shrug it off. Before I start writing a million subplots for Benny, I really should focus on trying to get across the canyon that I've written myself into.

Who does that? Writes into a fucking wall.

I'm such an idiot sometimes.

"Anyhow, you can ask him all the questions you want when he gets back." Says Aunt Nancy as she opens the sliding glass door into the living room.

"Where'd he go? Into town?" I ask, thinking he is running an errand.

"No no, he flew into the city to go meet your Uncle Hank and consult with him about opening up some more resorts," says Aunt Nancy as she fills my glass up with more ice and opens the fridge to pull out the Cola.

"Did he leave this morning?" I ask.

"No no, he left a couple of days ago. He should be coming back today. I told Hank not to take him before the opening, but you know your Uncle -- once he's hellbent on something it's just better to let him have his way than watch him sulk."

I nod as she splashes Rum into my glass. "Wait a second," I say when it dawns on me. "A couple of days ago?" I ask.

"Yeah, about two days ago. They had to go out East as well. So actually, let me think...it would have been three days ago. Today is the fourth day he's been gone." She looks confused but then has a conversation in her head to confirm that she has it right and gives me a smile.

"But that's impossible." I tell her and shake my head.

She waits to see where I'm going with this. So I continue,

"I just saw him the day before yesterday. He was on the top deck while I was down by the water." I tell her as I take a sip of my drink.

Aunt Nancy firmly shakes her head 'no' and corrects me, "You must have seen him three days ago, because he wasn't here."

"I'm telling you, I saw him. It was in the morning. Not yesterday, but the day before that. I'm positive!" I tell her.

She laughs, shrugs and says, "Whatever, he's coming back today. He's been gone for a bit. Maybe I have it wrong...I dunno."

"You have it wrong, he was still here the day before yesterday." I insist.

She raises her hands and says, "Fair enough."

We decide to have some lunch before we rope one of the staff into taking us for a boat ride. I stop focusing on whether or not Benny left two days ago or not because I really need to keep my mind clear for the rest of my movie to grow.

It really pisses me off that I'm at an impasse, but for now I'm going to take advantage of the fact that I am totally sucking today; and enjoy a boat ride with Aunt Nancy. Maybe the fresh air will sweep out the cobwebs that seem to be blocking my synapses from downloading the rest of the movie.

Who really knows what the hell is happening with my brain. If all else fails I can always pull a Thelma & Louise and just make a run for it; but we all know how that ended -- and I don't really feel like being some flickering Polaroid photo (of what could've been a good movie) floating in the wind, while the rest of it tumbles to it's death. No, I need to get back on track so I can finish this sucker.

Maybe some good will come out of standing on the edge of the canyon. That's what I keep hoping, but I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Stay true to your path

"But how will we know if we're on the right path?" a little soul says from the back of the room. We all nod in agreement. We have been wondering this same question for some time.

The Instructor smiles before speaking, "That is an interesting question." He says as he readjusts his wings so he can lean against his desk at the front of the room.

We all wait for him to continue.

"The interesting thing about following your path, is, that you will understand when you are not on it."

He waits with a big smile, but we are all confused.

"So we won't know when we're on our path?" I say before another little soul can verbalize the same question.

The Instructor laughs.

"When you are distracted from your life's mission; essentially, when you are not on your path, you will feel a grave discomfort in your Earthly life."

My eyes widen. I have no idea what a 'grave discomfort' is. But it sounds extremely dangerous.

The Instructor senses our confusion over the words he has used, so he claps his hands and attempts to explain again.

"There is truth and light...and its opposite. Correct?"

We all nod. The truth is the light. The darkness is the opposite. We all understand this concept.

"Very good," coaxes our Instructor when he sees we are following. "So, when you are not following your truth, or your path -- then we have the opposite. Correct?"

We all nod. This is making sense.

"So," continues our Instructor, "If you are not following your truth, the opposite will present itself in what form?"

I think I know the answer, but I don't want to say.

"What is the opposite of the light?" says our Instructor.

"Darkness," we all say in unison.

"And what is the same as the light?" asks our Instructor.

"Truth." we all say in unison again.

"So what will you experience if you are not following your truth...?" he says and leans closer to us to see if someone will speak out.

"The darkness?" I say shyly.

"Exactly!" he says with a big smile. "Sometimes when we leave our path, we experience darkness."

I raise my hand.

"Yes," says our Instructor.

"But..." I start, "I also thought that when we are true to our mission, our...path...that the darkness will try to stop us?"

We are all very confused.

Our Instructor nods. This is definitely above our level of understanding.

"Ah, yes." says our Instructor, "This is true because Earth is infected with darkness, so -- as the light, it is your job to stay true to your life's mission to combat this. If you sway from your mission you will be vulnerable to the darkness. However, if you are true to you mission -- the darkness will seek you out, but and this is very very important to remember: the darkness can never snuff out the light. So, you must stay true to your mission. Understand?"

We all nod, but I think only some of us get it. I just know that the only way to protect myself from the darkness is to remember to stay true to my path; because the path is the light. And darkness is no match for the light.

I think.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Mr. Green Eyes

Putter. Putter. Putter.

The motor from the police boat softens as it approaches. I save what I'm typing and place my laptop on the table beside me. It's a bright sunny morning, almost warm enough for me to take off my hoody soon.

"Hello!" I say with a big smile as the boat comes closer to the dock.

"Did you think I forgot about you?" Mr. Green Eyes says with an even brighter smile than I remember.

His partner looks bored, but has obviously agreed to bring the boat by Aunt Nancy's for a mid-morning visit.

I waive to him. He grimaces back.

"So, what brings you here?" I say as they kill the motor and he bobs closer to the deck.

"Just was wondering if you're going to be here for the opening?" he says. He's talking about the resort opening up. Apparently it's suppose to be one of the biggest parties of the season.

"Yeah," I reply. I can't stop smiling while I talk. It's mor-ti-fy-ing.

"So...you're here for the whole summer then?" he asks. His partner leans back in his seat, places his cap over his head, and feigns a nap.

"Well, as long as it takes me to finish what I'm working on," I say and point to my laptop.

"That's right!" he says with a laugh. "You're a big time Hollywood type, right?"

"Hardly," I tell him. Now I'm really embarrassed. The whole lake district seems to know what I do thanks to Aunt Nancy.

"Well..." he starts, but then gets caught by something in the distance. "Who's that?" he says suspiciously.

I turn around to see Benny staring at us from the top deck.

He must be looking for Aunt Nancy...

I turn back to Mr. Green Eyes, "Oh, that's just Benny," I tell him. But he continues to look past me and focus straight ahead. I start to get a bit weirded out by this, so I turn around in time to see Benny going back into the house.

"He's not from around here," says my suitor. I really should ask him what his name is, but it is kinda more fun not knowing for the time being.

"Really?" I say a little shocked, "I just figured that everyone who works up here is from around here."

"No..." he says with sexy confidence, "I don't recognize him." But then he changes his manner and returns back to what he was saying earlier,

"Anyways...what I was saying was, is...I don't have to work that night. I was wondering if you wanted someone to go with to the opening,"

I love the way this guy is so 'on the ball' about things. He's just...together. I double check his left hand again for any signs of a ring, before answering "I'd love to."

"Good," he says and nudges his partner to start the boat. A few seconds later they're drifting backwards to turn around in the deeper water.

"Looking forward to it!" he yells, as they swerve the boat around and speed off.

Me too, I think to myself as I grab my laptop and sit back down. I wonder for a second if Benny found Aunt Nancy, but before I get too deeply entrenched in that thought; I'm back to the scene I was creating. The one that's pivotal to the foreshadowing of the obstacles that my character is about to endure.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Nightmare is real

Tick. Tick. Tick.

The clock in the room ticks away melodically. I can see the moon rising above the trees in the distance because my bedroom window faces the lake. Crickets chirp in the background.

The dead are not around me.

Since I can't sleep, I sit up begrudgingly and head downstairs towards the upper deck. I'm hoping that the warm night air will lull me to sleep.

I would give anything to relax in the hot tub; but it's off of Aunt Nancy's bedroom -- and since it's the middle of the night I don't want to wake her.

I head towards the glass door off the living room that will lead me to the outside. I have no idea where I've left my flip flops. Maybe they're on the upper deck?

When I get outside, it's eerily quiet, and I can't see my flip flops anywhere.

"Hey darlin'," I hear from behind. I turn around to see Charlie laying on one of the deck chairs reading a design magazine.

He rolls his eyes as he shows me one of the pages he's looking at, "Zen white is so passe. What were they thinking?"

"Scooch over," I tell him as I sit on the lounger beside him. He smells the same; that faint combination of cologne and beer, mixed with the scent of good laundry detergent.

I plant my face in his shirt to overdose on the smell.

Charlie laughs.

A moment later when I've gotten my fill, I sit up and ask him; "Is it true what Aunt Nancy says? That it gets eerily quiet when the dead are around?"

He nods, and then puts his magazine down. A moment later he wraps both his arms around me and gives me a kiss on the top of my forehead.

"How are you kiddo?" he asks.

"I'm good. But I can't find my flip flops." I say as we continue to dance on the dance floor in the Sports Bar. I get really self-conscious because the floor is sticky and my feet are getting gunky. I start to look around.

I wonder where Deandra is?

I see the bartender looking over at me. He looks concerned.

I head towards the back hallway where the washrooms are. There are no lights. It's pitch black. I think there is broken glass on the floor, so I try to step cautiously. I have no shoes -- so I'm worried that I will cut my feet in the dark.

I fumble my way in the dark by patting my hands against the wall. I'm worried that I'm going to cut my feet on the broken glass.

The air becomes cold.

"Deandra?" I say.

In the distance I can hear someone in the bathroom; and there is a light shining out from the cracks around the door frame.

I walk slowly over towards the door and reach for the handle...

"Deandra?" I say one more time.

I open the door to see a very scared Robert standing there, crying. He looks confused. He's huddled behind the toilet on the far side of the room.

"Help me!" he pleads.

When I looks to the left I see the Caballos Demonios.

He growls a deafening growl.

I try to scream, but I can't. I take a step back but my foot is caught in something. The Caballos Demonios steps towards me.

I turn to see Robert smiling and laughing.

My heart is pounding. The Caballos Demonios takes another step towards me. I open my mouth to scream --

"No," I whisper, as I open my eyes.

My pillow is soaked, and my heart is racing.

I can't remember what exactly I was dreaming about, but my body is almost frozen in fear. I feel like I've been running for miles.

"Yer iz ok," whispers Consuela from the foot of my bed. I readjust myself so that I can partially sit up and see her.

"I think I was having a nightmare," I tell her as I reach for a the glass of water on my night table. As I take a sip of the water, I notice that Consuela is talking to someone else.

"Who are you talking to?" I ask her.

She ignores me for a second, talks some more with whomever she is talking to, and then turns back to me.

"I iz talking wis yer Angels," she says.

"I see," I tell her and switch my pillow for one of the others on the bed that is dry.

A moment later, I nestle into the drier pillow and allow sleep to slip in. And, as Consuela whispers away, I am lulled back into a deep slumber by the melodic and repetitive soft sound of her voice.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ish...

"Writer's Block?" says Aunt Nancy as I walk towards where she's sitting. She's going over some bills with Benny at a table on one of the patios adjacent to the resort.

Benny looks up and smiles. We make eye contact for a second before I slide into a chair across from them.

"Ish..", I say.

The truth is I was getting a little bored; and hungry. I figured if I came over here and killed some time it would help me work out a scene that I'm not quite committed to just yet.

"Hungry?" she says and looks up. She takes her glasses off and hangs them on the collar of her t-shirt before she readjusts her visor.

I love that Aunt Nancy is still rocking the visor. It suits her.

I nod. A moment later one of the wait staff comes over with some menus.

"We've hired a new chef," says Benny. There is no subtext to his words.

"Apparently he's this big whig type of genius from small town god-knows-where. Expensive, but if he keeps the people happy -- then Aunt Nancy is happy!" she says and laughs as she hands me one of the menus.

"Is that how much you charge for food?" I gasp. The prices are shocking.

Although local game would be expensive...

Benny laughs, collects the papers and walks away.

"So...whatd'ya want?" says Aunt Nancy as she closes her menu.

"Burgers?" I say. I'm hungry -- but not exactly sure what for.

"You want something to drink?" she says as one of the servers comes over to take our order.

Do fish like the water?

We both laugh.

She orders a bottle of wine, and the burgers -- with fries for the both of us. My stomach is starting to growl. I hate that feeling; when hunger creeps up on you, but you still have to wait another 20 minutes or so for the food. I feel the saliva start to pool in my mouth.

"He likes you," says Aunt Nancy as she raises her eyebrows.

I turn away and take in the view from where we are sitting. The gardens are groomed. Someone is planting a tree in the distance. Most of the staff have arrived. Now that we have an almost full kitchen staff -- they're nearly ready to open. I really like this resort. There's something very modern about it, even though it's decorated in all natural elements. I like how they use the wood.

I turn back to the table when our wine arrives. The girl who brings it is overly friendly. She smiles a lot -- but it's disconnected from the reality of this particular moment. We don't know each other well enough for her to be this jovial.

I'm instantly suspicious.

I wait until she leaves, before opening my mouth "That girl gives me the creeps," I say.

Aunt Nancy brushes it off by saying that she's probably nervous, or eager, or even stoned. We stop talking while she returns to set the table.

I take a sip from my wine.

When she's gone -- we resume.

"So, you like him too?" Aunt Nancy goads controversially.

I shake my head, top off my glass, and say as stately as I can, "Luring men away from their wives isn't really my thing. We can be friends," I say as I reach across the table to fill up her glass while she lights a cigarette.

"Good for you. Don't let him reel you in!" she says as we clink glasses.

"Cute as a button though," she remarks as we take in the view and wait for our food.

"Tell me about it," I whisper.

Sigh.

"It's eerily quiet here, hey?" I say a moment later when the food arrives. Aunt Nancy always has a theory about this or that, so I'm curious to see what she'll do with this statement.

"It means the dead are around you," she says matter of fact as she bites into her burger. I glare at her because I think she's being callous about hitting a nerve -- but she brushes it off by pointing to her burger with a full mouth while rolling her eyes like she's in heaven.

I take a bite, but continue to show my dissatisfaction by flaring my nostrils. I forget for a moment that I'm annoyed, because this is quite possibly the best burger ever created. I don't care how much that chef from NoWheresVille costs -- he's worth every penny.

"Go on," I say a moment later when I've gotten over the fact that she's pissed me off.

"It's true. When the dead are around you -- it goes eerily quiet. They create some sort of vacuum or bubble with their energy. It blocks out sound in the natural world."

I think about that for a moment. I'm no longer mad at her for being insensitive because I actually think I could use that tidbit in my movie.

"Your friends are probably just dropping in to say hi," she says and then bites into her burger again.

"Too soon!" I snap at her and then take a sip of my wine to calm my nerves. The thought of being surrounded by ghosts freaks me out. The thought of being unable to talk to people I miss dearly and would give anything to have them here eating burgers with me...

I just thought of another idea!

I lean back in my chair and make sure I file away some of the mental notes that I've been writing. Once they're all safe and sound, I allow myself to sit back, relax, and enjoy the burgers and wine.

Unbeknownst to Aunt Nancy, she just helped me tremendously.


Monday, April 19, 2010

Words have power

The birds chirp in the distance. I can feel the sun on my toes as I lay on a lounger on the dock near the lake. I've brought my hoody down in case a cool breeze passes by, but so far only warm winds tumble past over the water.

I watch the reflection of the sun bounce off the lake. When I was younger I used to imagine Pixies dancing in the ripples that create sunbursts when the rays give way to the sun's wrinkled reflection. I stare for a moment and eventually get lost in thought...

A moment later I turn back to my computer screen. The bubbles bounce slowly over the empty page. I've chosen bubbles as my screensaver. I have no idea why.

I start to think about how I want to continue the next scene. Everything's changed now. There's no way that I can write the same movie I started before all that happened. My mind was ripped open, flat lined, and is slowly refragmenting. The blood in the vessels flows differently now. There is no way that my brain could create the same thought processes; nor would I want it to.

I listen to the water quietly lap against the support beams under the dock. I'm trying to recalibrate the direction I need to go in. My character is forever changed. She's no longer this vapid puppet. Now she's infused with all the passion and potential that I believed Deandra could be. My character is now an ode to a dear friend.

A friend who believed in dreams, enjoying life's simple pleasures; and the importance of cherishing the people that mean something to you. Writing her voice won't be an issue. Making it worthy enough to carry her voice will.

I readjust in the lounger and watch the leaves ripple as the wind somersaults past the both of us. It's a beautiful day. In the distance I can hear what sounds like the staff at the resort setting up the outdoor furniture. The season officially opens this week. Aunt Nancy has talked about throwing a grand opening party -- fireworks and all.

I think that will be nice; for both the staff and the guests.

I touch the cursor pad, and the bubbles disappear. I'm now staring at a blank page. The words I choose are important. I want there to be a message that everyone, everywhere, can benefit from. Something that makes us all grateful to be alive and thankful for the blessings that we have.

A lot of people aren't connected to the actuality of their present. And, in doing so, they've robbed themselves of the true kinetic potential that life and all it's vibrancy has to offer.

Somehow, I need to have this message infused throughout the story. I want people to get it. I want to make the world a better place -- and I want this movie to be the vehicle and the catalyst for that.

So the words that I choose from this moment on are very important.

Relevant.

Impressionable.

Words have power, and I'm not about to waste the potential of mine.


Sunday, April 18, 2010

It's just you and me kid

Honk! Honk!

"Goodbye!" I say as loud as I can. I raise my arm in the air to give them all a big waive as the car leaves the cottage to head back to the main road that will take them to the airport.

My mother turns around and looks out the rear window. She gives both me and Aunt Nancy a big smile along with a hummingbird waive, before turning back in her seat. My father sticks his arm out the passenger side window to let me know he heard me, and Uncle Hank gives another honk as they take off down the lane.

I watch as the car wheels kick up little bits of gravel; and when it is a minuscule object in the distance, I turn back to face Aunt Nancy.

I'm glad she's still here.

"Aw...are those tears?" she says and puts her arm around me as we head back inside the cottage.

"No tears in the cottage! New rule!" she snaps jokingly as she heads straight for the wine fridge to pull out a bottle for the both of us.

"Are you sure you're ok to stay here? Uncle Hank doesn't mind you not going with him?" I ask -- but I already know the answer.

"Oh puh-leeze! I need a break from him; all his tinkering with the stereo system, setting barbecues on fire and nearly killing us in the boat! Uh... a little alone time will be nice." she says laughing as she pulls the cork out of the bottle.

I smile at her.

"Besides," she says as she fills up our glasses; "someone's got to stay here and make sure the start of the season goes off without any glitches. I'm not just a trophy wife y'know -- although this bod is pretty damn hot!"

She does a little spin before gesturing for me to walk with her.

I take a sip of wine and follow her out onto the top deck. One of the staff from the resort has just finished making a fire and laying out blankets on the outdoor couches and chairs for us to get cozy.

"This is such a sweet deal," I say to Aunt Nancy as I nestle under what is the softest blanket in the world, and snuggle into the corner of the couch I'm sitting on.

"Yeah, it'll do." says Aunt Nancy jokingly. We sit there quietly for a minute or two gazing at the stars. I make a mental note to myself to maybe try and learn some constellations before the end of the summer. The ancients used to know the heavens. The greatest story tellers got their inspiration from the sky. I feel ignorant not having that knowledge.

"You're not sad that they left?" says Aunt Nancy after a moment or two.

"No!" I say quickly. "I mean, they were up here for so long -- and I totally get that they have to go back to work; and besides, I should be working as well. No, it was great. So...superb to have them here. But you know, it's also nice to have just you and me time."

We clink our glasses and I reach for the bottle to top us both off.

"So...with your writing," Aunt Nancy says as she lights a cigarette, "do you want me to just leave you alone and we'll hook up at dinner or, I dunno, I can keep myself busy with the resort and other stuff. But I want you to write that movie so I can meet Al Pacino at the premier!" she says and drifts off for a moment.

"Well, I haven't written since...you know...and, I don't really know how it's going to go. But, maybe safe to say that if it looks like I'm in a groove, just maybe check in with me later. It's hard to say really. I won't really know until I start."

Aunt Nancy nods, "Well, you just let me know if I'm buggin' ya -- otherwise, I'm here. I got vino and beer. And I'm a lot of fun if you have any of that writer's block, ok?" she says and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Deal!" I tell her. And, as the cool night air starts to set in -- I hear a plane in the distance and wonder if that's them flying back to the city. I feel a moment of angst at the thought of them being gone, but then Aunt Nancy waives a converter that she found in a drawer under the couch. Two seconds later we have music.

Music, and stars and wine.

I feel the page turn as I start to relax and enjoy the rest of the night, gabbing about anything and everything that comes to our minds. And when the panic and the angst starts to bubble, I simply take another sip of wine and let it calm my nerves.

Now that I'm better, I have no choice but to move forward. To not do so would be selfish, unjust. And, I've never been one to permeate in stagnancy. No, I have to move forward. Live the life I was suppose to embrace. After all, I'm still alive.


Friday, April 16, 2010

Time to reignite the buzz

"I'm so glad you're feeling better!" says my mother with tears in her eyes from the other side of the table. One of the staff from the resort is setting the table around us, while Uncle Hank and my father take their manly posts at the barbecue.

I give her a smile. It's dusk, and the sun is just beginning to bob behind the tops of the Evergreens across the lake. It's the first night that it's warm enough for us to have dinner outside without being uncomfortable.

I'm actually enjoying myself.

"So? Ya think you'll stay?" says Aunt Nancy as she raises her eyebrows and takes a drink from her wine glass.

"I think you should!" says my mother, "It's so peaceful here -- you could get a lot of writing done. Think of how wonderful it would be to lay by the dock every day!" she says and extends her arm a la Vanna White to point towards the lake.

She does have a point...

I start to give it some sobering consideration. The buzz has worn off and I have yet to reinstate it with our dinner wine.

It would be nice to stay. The air is fresh here. Not like LA. Here you can actually take in a full chest's-worth of clean crisp air. My lungs are working at their full capacity here.

Aunt Nancy lights a cigarette, "I think you should stay. Stay as long as you want. I can even stay with you for the first little bit if you're worried about being lonely." she says and takes a long drag.

"Oh, I doubt she'll be lonely!" sings my mother from the other side of table. Little visions of grand babies float around her as she drifts off into space.

"Don't you want to rent this place out?" I ask.

"Oh, puh-leeze!" Says Aunt Nancy as she tops off my wine. "Like I flippin' need the money. No. You stay. Stay the whole summer if you want. I don't mind. I obviously can't stay the whole summer because Hanky Poo Poo had his heart set on doing some other thing over there in Europe -- which you're more than welcome to come with if you want, but I like the idea of you staying here. We know you'll be safe," she says and ashes her cigarette on the ground.

I look around. I do love it here -- I'm healing here. Or maybe I've healed?

Even though the city has all my friends, there is something alluring about staying here for the entire summer --writing the best movie ever written, falling in love with the local hero, and simultaneously continuing my budding friendship-can't-be-anything-else-even-if-I-want-it-to with Benny.

"You know, the city is noisy..." I start.

My mother nods fervently in agreement. "Yes!" she pipes in, "there's sirens and lawn blowers, and neighbors fighting. Why would you want that? You need to take it easy!" she says and then extends her hand out to Aunt Nancy as a way of saying 'thank you for the wonderful offer -- we'll take it'.

I start to envision me sitting by the water talking to Benny, and boat rides with Mr. Green Sparkling Eyes.

KAAAAAAABBBBBBBOOOM!

We all jump.

"[garble, shriek, gasp!] dem der took us out!" laughs Uncle Hank as they both jump away from a mini fireball that shoots out of the barbecue.

"Ha-AANK! Watch what the hell you're doing, your niece is wanting to stay here for the summer and she doesn't need you all setting this place on fire and burning it down on her!" says Aunt Nancy as she laughs and turns back to us.

"So, it's settled!" says my mother as she claps her hands and we raise our glasses.

"To you, and all your loveliness; and your wonderful summer!" says Aunt Nancy.

"To summer," I say and clink glasses with the both of them.

"I don't see no James Cameron being able to write from such a place!" says Aunt Nancy as she takes another swig of her wine before reaching for the bottle to pour us some more. As she does so, she gives a wink to my mother when they think I'm not paying attention.

Somehow, I think the plan was for me to stay here all along.

And so, I take a swig of my wine to reignite the buzz from earlier in the day and enjoy the evening. And when the wine begins to hit, I smile to myself at the thought of a whole summer up here with those two men to keep me company.


Thursday, April 15, 2010

Ticket Schmicket

"Woo hoo!" I yell from the bow of the boat as the wind whips past me and Uncle Hank increases the speed.

We fly around this island and that one. The sun is in mid-sky and we are enjoying the full heat of the day.

There are no other boats around.

"Faster!" I squeal like a child. A moment later we whip around another turn and fly by empty cottages that have yet to be opened for the season. There is nothing better than having the entire lake district to yourself.

"Ha-ANK! Slow down, will ya?" yells Aunt Nancy from the back as she returns to whatever in depth conversation she is having with my parents.

I close my eyes and lean back to feel the warmth of the sun on my face. It's been a while since I've been able to enjoy the heat; I'm feeling connected with the world -- and I don't want to lose this feeling.

I motion to Uncle Hank to slow down so I can crawl back to the cooler and grab another beer. This is a PERFECT day, and I want to soak up as much of it as I can. When I return back to the front of the boat with a cold one, the speed increases and I hoot and holler with every turn.

Wee Ruu Wee Ruu Wee Ruu Wee Ruu

Uh oh.

"Now look what you've gone and done, Hank!" yells Aunt Nancy as I turn around to see the police boat heading straight for us. We slow down and everyone puts on their best smile.

I take another sip of my beer. Ticket schmicket. Who the hell cares?

"Mornin'!" says Uncle Hank as he walks over to the side of the boat to greet the officers. I shimmy on my butt a little closer so I can hear the conversation.

"Ah...we should have known!" says one of the officers with a big smile, who shakes hands with everyone on the boat.

"What are you doin' on this little thing?" he says to Uncle Hank. I guess he's wondering why didn't take out one of the party boats, or yachts -- but you can't explore The Temple of Doom in one of those, now can you?

"Speedin'!" says Uncle Hank with a big smile. He tells them that they were just taking me for a ride, and that since no one is really around -- and the day was so nice, well; it's kinda hard to not speed.

A moment later the officer turns to greet me, and lifts his sunglasses. We make official eye contact.

Well hello...

Aqua-green sparkly eyes smile at me and I raise my beer towards him in return. The men continue to talk as the police boat drifts a little closer to me. When he's almost in front of me, he speaks,

"Hello," he says with a warm smile.

"Hi...," I droll back. This is awkward. My parents are on the other side of the boat and my mother has been on the hunt for some good sperm for a while. Grandchildren are a must.

I can hear the others giggling in the background. Remarkably, neither of us seem to care.

"You just up for a couple of days then?" he says and reaches out to grab the railing on the edge of my boat so his won't drift further away.

I shrug and then smile, before taking another sip of beer. "I'm thinking of staying a while longer," I say.

"Good," he retorts before signaling to his partner to start the engine.

"Good?" I say back. I'm feeling confrontationally-flirtatious.

I love beers on a sunny day.

"Yep." He says, and then laughs as the motor revs and his boat drives away before I have a chance to respond.

"[giggle, chuckle] yer!" says Uncle Hank as he starts our engine and turns the boat around.

"What a nice young man!" my mother says ever-so-loud from the back of the boat, just in case I was oblivious to the hottie that was flirting with me.

As we continue at a slower pace around the bend, I lean back and start to think how fun it would be to have a summer romance. I could stay here, write a little. Enjoy the lakes. Take a break from the hustle and bustle of LA...

I'd just need to let people know where I'd be...

A summer romance. That sounds intriguing.

Maybe I will stay.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Newfie Indy

"[garble, gasp!, chuckle] der in dat forest I'z sees it!" exclaims Uncle Hank as he stops the motor and stands straight up in the boat.

We all fly forwards. Aunt Nancy pummels into my mother: who misses grabbing for my dad to anchor herself; and a second later there's a pile of us in the middle of the boat.

"Ha-AANK!" yells Aunt Nancy as she pushes me off of her, "What the hell do you think you're doing -- you bloody well nearly killed all of us!" she groans as we all try to stand in the boat, each of us inspecting ourselves for cuts and bruises.

I have a gash on my knee from the carpeting on the bottom of the boat where we landed. As I notice it, Aunt Nancy grabs a handful of ice from the cooler and places it on my knee.

I readjust her visor while she continues to put Uncle Hank in his place,

"What the hell were you thinking. This ain't no mission impossible type of expedition, HANK, it's a beautiful sunny day -- it would be nice if you didn't kill anybody! Your poor niece is bleeding!" she says, and then laughs.

"LOOK!" Uncle Hank exclaims. He's staring off into the distance.

I look up from icing my knee to try and see what has got him all excited. I follow the direction of his pointing -- only to see a small clearing in the trees on a hill in front of us.

"I knew it!" he says and starts to motor so we can chug closer towards the shore.

"Knew what?" says my mother who looks around for a seat belt as the boat begins to move.

"Yeah, Hank! You mind sharing with the rest of us just what the hell you're so flipping excited about?" yells Aunt Nancy as she grabs a beer from the cooler and hands it to me.

"[garble, mumble] dis iz being where's I'z sinking dat it landed." he says with the fervent attention and stance of Indiana Jones.

We are officially in a George Lucas fantasy.

Aunt Nancy rolls her eyes.

"Great, the mystery's solved!" she says, "Can we get back to enjoying our day? Where is the damn radio in this thing anyways?"

As Aunt Nancy looks around for the radio, my father and mother stare off into the clearing along with Indy.

It's really hard to say just what exactly we're looking at. There are definitely some trees missing from the middle of the hill ~ and it's pretty hard to clear out mature Evergreens -- but if it were a meteor (and I don't mention this out of respect) of that size, I'm pretty sure there would have been more disaster around us.

I'm fine not really solving the mystery. Aunt Nancy is right. It is the first gorgeous day we've had. The sun is warm -- even out on the water. I don't need my hoody, and the beers are starting to kick in real nice. I would rather go on a nice boat ride around the lakes than explore The Temple of Doom with Newfie Indy over there in the driver's seat.

"Come on!" I say with a big smile.

Everyone snaps there heads towards me.

My mother almost cries. My father raises his eyebrows in delight.

"Well look who's back!" says Aunt Nancy as she finally figures out how to blast the music.

And, as we putter away, the music diffuses into the warm winds that glide past us, and the day begins to unfold.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Message

I walk downstairs. The bottoms of my feet splat against the cedar floors as I make my way through the living room and towards the glass door that leads to the patio.

It's strange that there isn't any music playing...

I look outside. It's slightly overcast and no one is on the top deck, or the middle one, or even down below.

I step outside and adjust my gaze towards the boathouse and shore front to see if they are down there -- but they're not.

Maybe they went for a boat ride?

I look around. It's quiet. No noise is coming from the resort either. And I don't hear any animals.

"Karen?"

I turn around and am met with the torso of a very tall man. I lean my head back and look up. He stands about 9 feet tall.

When we make eye contact, he smiles.

And then, he sits on one of the deck chairs so I am not so overwhelmed by his height.

"We've been trying to talk to you," he says and then gestures for me to take a seat.

"Where is everyone?" I ask as I sit. I'm not...well, I don't know how I feel at this moment to be honest. Confused. I guess I'm confused.

"I don't have much time," he says and then continues "we were able to hold him off -- but we couldn't defeat him."

I have no idea what he's talking about, but I listen because I can hear the gravity in his voice.

"We believe he has taken cover in a body near to here, we want you to be careful. He can lay dormant -- and we believe he will in an effort to hide from us. You must stay here for a few weeks longer. If you return to the world, it will be more difficult to spot him. Do you understand?"

"I think so," I say. I start to feel woozy...

"Good." he says, and then disappears.

I lean back on the deck chair and try to remember what just happened. My heart is pounding. A moment later I hear some music, so I stand to turn -- and it's...

"Charlie!" I say and run over to him and give him a big hug. He laughs and sways his hips left and right on the top deck. The sun comes out. It's very very bright.

He spins me around. I'm in heaven.

I love this song...

"Wakey Wakey!"

I open my eyes and Aunt Nancy is peering over me with a big smile and a cup of coffee in her hand. "Good morning Sunshine. Come on, get up. Hank's got his knickers all in a knot cuz he wants to take us all on a boat ride. He's convinced there was some sort of meteor that dropped last night and that's why every animal north of the 43rd parallel went flying through the property. Come on!" she says and yanks my comforters off of me.

"Ugh.....," I moan. I'm barely awake. I'm actually really exhausted.

"Up! Up! UP!" she says with a big laugh, and then aims the converter towards the wall. A second later the music is blaring and I have no choice but to sit up. I glare at her and then grunt my way towards the bathroom while Aunt Nancy has her own little dance-a-thon in my bedroom.

She's obviously in a very good mood.


Monday, April 12, 2010

I have a message for you

"Weeeeeeee!" Consuela squeals as we fly through the clouds above the lake district. I lean my head back and do a somersault in the air before dipping down to glide just above the waters' surface.

"Dis iz so much fun, Mia!" she says to me with a big smile.

In the distance I see a dock in the middle of the water, and so we fly towards it. There is familiar music coming from some sort of radio, and as I approach I recognize --

"Charlie!" I say and land with a thud on the dock. It rocks back and forth for a second from my sloppy landing. Consuela continues to float and soar just below the clouds, all the while screaming Weeeee whenever the urge takes over.

"It's warmer today than it has been," I tell him. He nods. He's being quiet -- which isn't like him.

"Charlie?" I say and look at him a bit concerned. He stands and reaches out his hands to help me stand.

"What's the matter?" I say softly.

He looks at me with his big kind sparkly hazel eyes, and says "I have a message for you."

"OK," I tell him a little confused. We're now on the dance floor in the Sports Bar and my shoes are missing again. The floor is sticky. Charlie begins to dance to a song we both love.

"Where's Deandra?" I ask him and look around. The bartender looks at me with concern, and so I begin to walk towards the washrooms in the back to see if I can find her. The hallway is dark and the floor is really sticky. I can't believe I've forgotten to bring my shoes to this bar, again!

I fumble my way towards the washroom by patting my hands against the wall. It's cold and creepy in this hallway, but a moment later I see a light start to shine from underneath the bathroom door.

"Deandra?" I say. I step a bit closer towards the closed door. I can see glass on the floor and I try to avoid it, but I can't. My feet are bare.

"Deandra!" I yell a little louder.

I look at the door and hear the click of the lock being undone. A second later the handle turns.

I take a step back. I'm starting to feel very scared. There's something behind me. I open my mouth to scream but I can't.

I can't move.

The bathroom door opens, and a beam of light floods into the hallway. My eyes squint from the brightness, but before they can adjust --

Robert is standing in front of me.

"HELP ME!!" he yells, and reaches out to grab me. I close my eyes to brace for whatever is about to happen.

When I open them, the room is silent. It's the early hours of the morning and the sun is still hours from the horizon. I sit up in my bed and try to work out the kink in my neck. I know I must have been having a nightmare. I wait for my eyes to adjust and then look towards the nightstand to see if there is any water left in my glass.

For a second, I think I see someone sitting on my bed -- but then realize it's nothing.

I take a sip of water, readjust; and when my heart stops beating so fast, I eventually fall back asleep.


Sunday, April 11, 2010

You've got good Angels

"Did you hear that?" Peter says and whips his head to face the others. George nods. Deandra floats closer to the dining room table in the cottage.

"I knew it was going to happen very soon," she says as she brushes my hair with one of her hands.

"How do you want to handle this?" says Peter who begins to levitate higher towards the 30 foot ceilings in the living room.

"I'll go investigate," says George. A moment later he passes through the cottage walls and soars towards the clouds before adjusting his direction to face the demonic howls that are coming from beyond the next lake.

A moment later he returns.

"It's beyond the next lake -- moments away," he says, and motions for the others to join him out front near the water's edge to prepare for battle.

* * *

"You've got gooooood angels," Aunt Nancy says as she passes me a dish of green beans. One of the servers from the resort tops off our wine glasses. I don't really feel like talking in front of them.

"Yeah," I say.

The food has brought me out of my melancholy funk; or maybe it's the wine? In any case, I'm more engaged than I was a couple of hours ago, and am starting to enjoy the company of my family. There have been talks about how much longer they are to stay. I have no immediate plans to head back to L.A. -- but I haven't shared that with them. I just know at some point they will have to return to their lives; and work.

I'm starting to wonder if I would be allowed to stay here by myself?

"You're more than welcome to stay here for the summer," says Aunt Nancy as she takes a sip of wine and then raises her eyebrows to let us all know that it's good.

"Really?" I say, and perk up.

"Yeah. You've got tonnes of people next door to keep you company if you're lonely. I can even stay for a little bit longer," she says and then passes the salad bowl to my father.

"What do you want?" my mother asks from between bites. I figure it's best to be honest, so I tell them that I think it would be nice to have a bit of alone time -- but not just yet. I don't want to be by myself just yet.

They all nod accordingly, and agree that they'll stay on for a few more days. I start to feel better. At the very least I have started to make plans. Tomorrows are becoming a probability in my mind again.

"[grumble, garble, gasp!] de dickens in Jesus' name was that?" says Uncle Hank as he walks towards the glass wall in the dining room.

The winds begin to increase and we hear birds squawking and screeching in the distance.

Aunt Nancy shakes her head like Uncle Hank is crazy and hollers for him to come back to the table. He laughs and turns to join us when --

We all freeze.

The most blood curdling sound echoes from across the lake.

"What is that?" says my mother, her eyes are wide with concern.

"Maybe an animal is being taken out by some coyotes" suggests my father who seems to be the only one at the table impervious to the screeching.

"That's not a bear," says the server who takes away some of the empty dishes and begins to load them in the dishwasher.

"Well, whatever it is, we're safe in here!" says Aunt Nancy with a big smile. We all try to pretend that things are normal -- but the screeching continues and a moment later a herd of deer gallop through the property.

"What the..???" yells Uncle Hank as he opens the glass door to the upper deck to check out the commotion. A moment later we all stand and take a step outside into the cold air to see just what exactly is going on. As the screeching continues from somewhere across the lake; beaver, deer, and other creatures scurry past the property towards the woods on the other side of us, opposite the resort.

"I've never seen anything like this," says my mother as she puts her arm around me to comfort herself as well as me.

"[grumble, garble, muffle] yer sinking dat it could be." says Uncle Hank in awe.

The winds begin to pick up and so we head back inside. Aunt Nancy shakes her head in confusion, but then laughs it off.

A moment later the screeching stops and the winds settle.

"Must be some sort of landslide, or earthquake that got them all agitated," says my father.

We return to the dining room table, and a few moments later as the dinner continues we forget about the commotion that just occurred. A few moments after that I feel at peace; warm -- and safe. I attribute the sensation to the wine, but a moment later when I feel someone brush my hair; I start to think that maybe I have had a bit too much to drink with dinner; and so, when the server comes around offering coffee, I make sure to have one before we return towards the living room to settle in and continue our conversation.


Saturday, April 10, 2010

She'll be fine

The sun sets quietly behind the trees, and the lake goes from dark blue, to orange to black. I tighten the string of my hood and lean back on one of the deck chairs to wait for the stars to come out.

Not a creative thought is going through my mind.

I feel simple. Stupid. Plain.

I close my eyes and let the cool night air brush against my cheeks. When I open them, Consuela is standing there stomping her foot.

"Yer iz too quiet, Mia." she says and waddles over to another deck chair to take a seat.

"Yeah," I say back. I'm feeling melancholy, and my heart is aching a bit.

"Yer iz should maybe go inside to talk wis da family. Dey is almost ready for da dinner, and I sink dat dey is good for yer." she says while readjusting herself on the chair. Her chubby legs are too short to reach the ground, so she has a hard time maneuvering herself. It's an effort for one of her ass cheeks to defy gravity and scooch back a few inches.

"Yeah, I will." I say and watch as the stars start to peek out from the sky.

Moments pass. I don't really feel like moving, or going inside.

"Hey! You hungry?" yells Aunt Nancy as she slides open one of the glass doors and sticks her head out to see me.

I don't say anything and so she walks over to me and sits down on the end of my lounge chair. "Whatchya doing out here alone in the dark, silly?" she says and gives me a big smile. I look at her and try to feign a smile back, but it's hard. Somehow I've lost the jolt that usually plugs me into my surroundings.

"It's alright," she says and puts her hand on top of mine, "you're grieving. It does funny things to you. You just need to take it one day at a time, and before you know it -- you'll remember what it was like to be your old self again."

I look down. I have a hard time even connecting with her. I feel -- diluted.

"Come on!" she says and stands, "we're having filet mignons for dinner -- they're almost done. Come and have a glass of wine with us."

I stand and slowly follow behind her, trying to take in deep breaths -- and allowing for the fatigue to have its way with me.

"You've got good angels," say Aunt Nancy as we reach the glass door. I step through the door into the warmth of the cottage. There's a full fire going and so I walk towards one of the couches to rest until dinner is served.

"She'll be fine," I hear my Aunt Nancy whisper to the others. A moment later I hear the clinking of the plates being put on the dining room table.

When I have the energy, I stand to join the others for some food.


Friday, April 9, 2010

Thoughts by the lake

The rain has stopped, and the sun is beginning to peek out from behind the clouds; so I grab my hoody and walk out onto the top deck to take in the view.

The lake is calm now. The winds have died down and although the laps from the water are fairly mild, there are no ducks swimming around. In fact, the woods around us are quiet -- all I can hear is the hum of a leaf blower or something like that from the resort next door.

I decide to walk down the steps and head towards the water's edge. I haven't spent any time in or near the water since coming here. The others are in a mad fight to the finish over Scrabble, and so I figured now was as good a time as any to take in the sights; and maybe collect my thoughts.

I head past the fire pit and outdoor kitchen, and start making my way carefully down the slabs of some sort of nice looking flat rock that acts as makeshift steps down the more steep areas of the property.

When I get to the deck at the bottom, I make my way towards a patch of sun that has dried the wooden boards and sit cross-legged, allowing the cooler northern rays to try and warm my face.

My mind is blank. But then a moment later it whirls out of control. Images over the past few weeks begin to swirl together; and I have trouble centering myself in the midst of it.

I think I don't know who I am.

"You're at an impasse," says a familiar male voice from behind. I open my eyes to see Garry Marshall smiling down at me. He takes a seat beside me on the dock and rubs my back for a second before continuing, "And that's ok. You're not always suppose to figure everything out."

I look away for a second, but then respond. "I think I'm lost,"

"We're all lost," he says with a big smile and then smashes a deck spider. I startle from the loud sound as his hand smacks the deck, and laugh -- because I didn't expect him to be so ninja-like when it came to killing spiders.

"Missed," he says and shows me his hand which is clear of any spider guts. "I hate the dang things,"

We sit there in silence for a moment and watch a family of ducks swim past us. The lake is calm like glass.

"What's wrong?" he says a moment later.

I answer right away, "I don't feel like writing."

He nods. I think he gets that writing is very much a part of who I am -- and so to be disconnected from it; essentially, is like walking through the world without a heartbeat. I feel half-dead.

"Your heart will heal eventually," he says and stands, "and when it does, I can assure you that you will probably do the best writing you've ever done."

As reassuring as he sounds, I have a hard time believing him. A moment later he is gone. And so, I sit there alone by the lake contemplating everything that is wrong, and trying very hard to not let the pain seep into my empty heart.

Because pain has an insidious way of changing the potential of who you are capable of being. And I don't want that to happen to me.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Da love in da heart iz impotent

"You're drenched!" says my mother as I fly through the cottage door, and try to catch my breath.

Aunt Nancy grabs a clean hand towel from one of the drawers in the kitchen and walks over to me, "You're like a little wet puppy!" she says as she begins to sop up the water from my hair while I take off my shoes.

My toes squish the water logged in the bottom of my shoes. As I pull my soggy feet out from the muckiness, I'm instantly met with a chill as my toes are exposed to the cool air of the cottage.

I take the towel from Aunt Nancy who's only managed to tangle my wet hair, and wipe my face dry.

"Why don't you go and take a hot shower?" she suggests. I'm starting to shiver and my chin is quivering from the cold.

I nod and carefully walk up the stairs trying not to slip on the wooden floor. My feet are still quite damp.

A few moments later I'm standing under a stream of hot water, trying to salvage the peace and quiet of the shower before I return to the others. I lean my head back to let the water massage my forehead, and close my eyes.

My shoulders begin to relax.

Squeak. Squeak. Sqeeeeak.

I open one eye to see Consuela rubbing away the steam from the glass on the shower door with her sleeve. She peers through her makeshift window and begins to speak,

"Dat man iz cute!" she says with a big smile.

"He's married. Go away, I'm trying to relax," I tell her.

Can't I get a little privacy?

I see her walk over towards a stool near the sink, and before the steam fogs up the peep hole that she made, she pulls out some nail clippers and begins to snip away at her toes.

I roll my eyes in the shower and try very hard not to be annoyed by the sound of the nail clippers and the clicking of her toenails as they fly across the bathroom and hit the slate tile floor.

"Mia, dat Man he likes yer. And he iz so nice, yer know?" she says between clipping.

I ignore her, and so she continues; "I sink dat he iz a good choice for yer, you know, since yer iz not married. I sink dat he iz good."

"Really?" I say to her and raise the volume in my voice so she can hear that I'm agitated.

"He's married you idiot." I say and turn off the shower. My serenity is gone.

I step out and try to avoid cutting the bottoms of my feet on her deadly toe nail clippings. She looks at me matter-of-fact before continuing, "But Mia, yer iz all alone and da love it iz important!" she whines.

I wrap the robe around me, and tip toe towards the toilet carefully avoiding her nasty landmines along the way. I put down the lid, sit on it and cross my legs. It's obvious that Consuela is determined to play cupid, and so I have no choice for the moment (until she cleans up her toenails) but to listen to her.

"I'm listening," I tell her and point to the clippings so she knows that she better clean them up as soon as she is done.

"I iz sinking dat maybe yer iz not so bulnera....bulnero?" she looks at me confused.

"Vulnerable?" I say.

"Si, yes. Da bulnerable if yer iz haz da love in yer heart." she says and stands to start collecting her toe nail clippings.

"I'm fine," I tell her. She very rarely makes any sense, and so I only have to humour her for a few more seconds until the floor is clear and I can finish getting ready.

"But da love in da heart iz impotent." she says and reaches behind me to grab a big one.

"Really?" I goat her, more for my own pleasure than anything else.

"Si, Mia. Da Caballos Demonios -- it has da hard time taking over da body if der iz da love in da heart," she says and looks at me. I can't tell if she is frustrated with me or the missing toenail that she can't seem to find.

I use the clear path that she's created to walk towards the counter and grab a towel to wrap my hair in.

"I have love in my heart," I say to her as I tighten the turban.

"Mia, yer is not has da love dat yer iz can share. Yer has no children. Yer has no husband. Yer has no pet like da puppy dog," she says as she gets on her hands and knees to try and find the missing toe nail.

I think about what she says for a moment.

"So?" I tell her.

"So? So-oh? Der iz no So-oh, Mia. Yer iz has da empty heart and da Caballos Demonios iz coming. Da empty heart iz dangerez." she says and then manages to find the missing toenail.

With a big smile she stands and flicks it into the garbage can near the bathroom scale. She sits on the edge of the tub, and begins to talk to my back while I apply moisturizer to my face.

"I iz worried about yer, Mia." she says.

"I'm fine, stop being so melodramatic. Robert was mentally unstable, ok?" I say and reach for the hairdryer.

"No Mia, he iz has da empty heart too. Da empty heart iz dangerez!" she protests. But I turn on the hairdryer and drown her out. I can't listen to Consuela or her hysteria. Not now. All I can think about now is trying not to crush on Benny -- and maybe figuring out what I want to have for lunch.


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My job is to protect you

"Does someone want to tell the class why we enter secularity?" says the Instructor at the front of the room. I like this instructor. Her long golden hair flows below her shoulders. My hair isn't golden, but I hope that when I come back from Earth -- I can have hair like hers.

She smiles at me.

Another little soul raises their hand, "It's because the darkness will have a harder time capturing our light if we are separate." they say, and look unsure. We all feel that they think that is not the right answer, but a moment later our Instructor sends a message through our collective conscious to tell us that the little soul is correct.

The little soul gives a big smile.

"That is correct," says our Instructor and waives her hand in front of a screen. A moment later a diagram appears. It shows us how the darkness is attracted to our light, and so, in an effort to combat it -- we must go down to Earth secular; not connected like we are up here.

Being secular is why Earth is so challenging.

"What's it like on Earth?" Another little soul pipes up and interrupts our Instructor.

Our Instructor turns and smiles. She can sense how curious we all are from the collective conscious. She tells us to gather around her, and so we all leave our desks and convene around her knees as she begins to tell us a story.

I make sure that I am sitting right in front of her so I can see her face as she speaks. Some of the other little souls are off to the side because they like to rub their cheeks against her wings while she talks.

"Well," she says once we are all settled, "Earth is very beautiful. It's a rock and water planet -- so not like here," she starts.

We've been in this special classroom for a while. We're nearing the end of our training before we depart. This Instructor will be going back down to Earth soon, just before us, so she can watch over us while we are down there. There's only a few of us here -- and we are all going down together. We have different assignments, but we will be placed within the same region of Earth so that our Instructor can check in on us while we are down there.

"...and that is why it is very important for you to remember your missions if I am to see you on Earth." she says and claps her hands, which means we all must return to our seats.

I walk back to my seat slowly. This classroom doesn't have clear ceilings, so I can't see the celestial lights.

It is very important that we pay attention.

When I get back to my seat, I think about what our Instructor just told us, and so I raise my hand. I don't want to interrupt like the other little soul.

"Yes," she says and gives me a big smile.

Some of the other little souls start to fidget. They can sense my question before I speak it, and it makes them feel uncomfortable.

"Is it scary when the darkness comes after you?" I say. We've been learning Earthly emotions, and lately I've been very curious about 'fear'.

The Instructor senses that we are all very uncomfortable, and so, she gives us a very big smile before speaking.

"When you are in human form; the darkness will approach you in different ways -- depending on your mission. And yes, it can be very very scary. But remember; Earth is not real. This is real. This is your home. And, although the darkness wants to hurt you and trap you; please remember that if you stay true to the light in your heart, you will always return. The scary parts are only a few moments. This is your eternity."

Some of us feel more better. I nod, because I think I understand. And I know that if I do get trapped in the darkness, I know that another little soul will come down to rescue me just like we are coming down to rescue them -- our brethren.

"Deandra," another little soul begins, "will we be scared if we see you on Earth?"

Before our Instructor can answer, a different little soul pipes in, "Yes. You are there to protect us -- so if we see you, it means that the darkness is near?"

We all become fidgety. I don't want to be scared when I see Deandra. If I see her...

"You won't remember who I am," she says with a big smile. And, just in case some of us are still unsure she continues, "remember, my job is to protect you. So, if I am there -- nothing bad will happen to you. I will fight the darkness for you. Alright?"

We all smile.

And a moment later she continues with our lesson.