"You look hot!" Charlie says, as he puts down his Oprah magazine and walks over to me. I'm desperately trying not to tumble over in my 4-inch Prada knock-offs. He whistles and makes a hand gesture for me to turn around and give him the full view.
I do so begrudgingly.
Deandra walks out a moment later with two plates of food for them, looks at me, and with a big smile says; "You clean up nice!" as she puts the plates on the table.
"I look like Kim Kardashian." I say matter-of-fact. I'm standing there in a black sequined dress that barely covers my crotch.
Charlie pinches my bum before walking over to sit and eat his sandwich.
"What's wrong with looking smoking?" say Deandra as she takes a bite of her food.
Nothing I suppose...
"Ah, I'm just not used to getting fussed up. Do me a favour, if I bend over will you tell me if you can see my crotch?" I say and turn my back towards them.
I bend over a couple of inches. Deandra yells out I'm good, so I bend over a couple more...still good. A couple more...
"We've got pink coochie!" yells Charlie with a mouthful of food.
OK. Can't lean too far forward then when talking to people...
"Thanks guys!" I says as I continue my balancing act towards the rod iron gate. Deandra runs over to me and sticks my tag back into my dress.
"There, perfect!" she says. I give her a hug and head to the car...slowly...one pinched foot at a time.
* * *
"My brilliant writer!" Eli yells from the poolside bar of his mansion in the Hollywood Hills. I carefully walk towards him, grabbing a pink martini from one of the waiters that passes by me.
"Eli," I say slightly exasperated, and then gesture down to my shoes and give him a shrug. He laughs, speaks Spanish to one of the housekeepers, and a moment later she comes out with a pair of brand new flip flops.
"Eli, you're beyond fantastic!" I say as I kick off my shoes and slip my more-than-appreciative toes into their new more comfortable foot wear.
"You ladies and your shoes!" he says laughing. "Come, there's someone I want you to meet." he says and puts his arm around me to guide me towards a group of people clustered by the waterfall.
"Akiva," he says.
A moment later Akiva turns around with a big smile. "This is the girl I was telling you about," Eli continues. We exchange hellos and I become completely self-aware wrapped in a current of nervousness. The last movie that Akiva did had me screaming at the television because it was just so...edge-of-your-seaty.
I start to think that I might be overstaying my welcome, so after a few minutes of chit chat and telling him who my agent is and what else I have coming down the pipe, I excuse myself to go find a quiet corner and take a moment to process all of this.
I want to sit down on the edge of the pool and dip my feet into the water, but I can't. My crotch would be in full view. So I stare at my reflection in the water -- and it smiles back at me.
"Karen?"
I hear a familiar voice and turn around. It's Alex. I give him a big hug and forget about my crotch for a second.
"Alex!" I say with a big smile. With everything that has been going on, I haven't had a chance to get together with him. But if it wasn't for Alex I wouldn't even be here...
"It's soooooo good to see you!" I squeal and put my empty martini glass on a platter passing by with one of the waiters.
"Same. Everything going alright?" he says and grabs me another martini.
"It couldn't be better. I'm in my groove. Eli's happy with everything. I just..." I start to get choked up at all he's done for me...
"I'm just really appreciative of everything you've done for me." I say.
He smiles and shrugs it off. A moment later he waives his friend over. His very cute friend. I take another sip of my martini and check out my rear end in the pool's reflection to make sure my crotch isn't showing. I'm good.
This is going to be a very good night indeed.
