"And the Oscar goes to..."
I take a deep breath. The corset that my stylist made me wear with this dress is digging into the bone between my boobs. It hurts. My temples throb from my hair being pulled back a bit too tight; and all I can smell is the hairspray that they used to shellac my hair.
The room goes silent. I think of everything that got me to this moment, how no one knows who I am as I walk quickly past the red carpet. The paparazzi all have their backs to me, as I pull out my phone and take a self photo of me with the large Oscar statue guarding the opening to the theatre. I put my phone away and give a quick waive to one of the actors in my movie being bombarded with white flashes. They waive back. We'll talk later.
I think about all the times I gave up. About how I used to judge my worth based on what someone else would think. About all the people that didn't believe in me.
I think about the people that really mattered, the ones that did believe in me, and how I lost some of them too soon.
I think about sitting in front of my teddy bears every day as a child, and reading to them from a blank photo album -- how every day was a new story, with new pictures that formed in my mind.
The crowd roars, the music trumpets.
"I knew it!" squeals my Mom. She stands and helps me rise. I try to adjust my dress without being too obvious, since there are now three cameras on me as I scoot my way through the aisle. I'm concentrating on the important things: one foot in front of the other. Don't trip on the steps. Smile back to the people that extend their hands as a gesture of congratulations.
I think I'm trembling. I can feel the sweat pouring down my armpits. I walk towards the podium. A tall lanky model hands me my Oscar. I have no recollection of taking it in my hands, but all of a sudden it's there; heavier than I had imagined.
I take my place in front of the microphone; and try not to squint under the bright lights. It's hard for me to see who is in the audience. But I know they are all there - the Hollywood power couples, the veterans, the living legends, the next hot thing.
I think I have forgotten to breathe this whole time.
"If I happen to pass out, don't worry -- I just have yet to breathe."
They laugh.
"A lot of people have asked me where the inspiration for this story came from -- and to be honest; it was inspired by an event in my life that shook me to the core. Writing, for me, has always been a necessity. Like breathing. You can only go so long without it. I guess I just want to thank everyone who decided to take a chance on me, and for the movie patrons who really honoured me by going to see it over and over again. I'd like to thank the Academy for honouring me this way; my family for always being supportive of me. And, for all of you budding artists sitting at home, being ridiculed, or unrecognized -- don't give up. The universe has an obligation to rise to the occasion, and as long as you continue to believe in the person you know you are capable of being, you will be fine -- no matter how wide the detours are. In the end, the destination is always the same. So if you're unemployed, or heartbroken, or discouraged -- just know that most of us in this theatre right now have been there. But the one thing we all have in common is that we never sold ourselves short, and we didn't give up -- at least not for long. Thank you."
