"Forward fall..."
Linda has convinced me to come to one of the Yoga classes at the resort. I actually don't mind Yoga so much. There's something about the slow breathing and the hypnotic voice of the instructor that soothes me.
"Up to flat back, looking straight ahead..."
I look to my left. Consuela is lying in Shavasana. Her mouth is gaped open, and her tongue has fallen out to the right. She is completely conked out.
"Sun salutation..."
"Upward dog..."
"Downward facing dog..."
"Breathe..."
I try to push my heels to the floor so I can maximize the stretch. It's a little humbling doing Yoga with Linda. She's got that long lanky Pocahontas body-type, and so she moves like a fluid stream of water morphing into one pose, then another. Like that thing from The Abyss.
"Warrior One..."
I try to make sure that my knee is perpendicular to my ankle. There is a lot of mental clarity when you do Yoga. I'm glad Linda asked me to come with her.
"Left hand on the outside of your left foot...stretching your right hand up above..."
The instructor is walking around adjusting peoples poses.
Please don't come to me. Please don't come to me...
I give her a smile as she straightens my right arm above my head, and pushes my left shoulder forward...
She leans closer to me and whispers, "Deep breath and...open your heart. Feel the stretch." She guides me deeper into the stretch, but my body is resisting.
"Deep breath..." she says and adds a little more pressure.
I try to breathe my way into it, but I can't. My shoulders have completely tensed up. I'm having trouble moving into this pose. I push myself a little further before I realize that tears are starting to drop onto the mat.
I'm mortified.
Linda can see me in the mirror. She gives me an encouraging smile.
The tears continue to fall methodically, one by one, onto the mat. A moment later we fall forward, then flat back looking straight ahead.
When we return to Warrior 3, this time facing the other side of the room -- I can see Consuela. As I push my right shoulder into the stretch and open up my heart, Consuela begins to convulse.
We fall forward...then flat back looking straight ahead.
We repeat this set two more times. By the end no more tears seem to fall. I guess, I've managed to open up my heart this morning. But I'm worried.
As we all lay in Shavasana, I start to wonder what the effect of having an open heart will be, especially since I can't be vulnerable right now.
More tears begin to silently stream down both sides of my cheeks.
I need to ask Linda about the tears when we're done class. She'll have an answer for me. I just hope it's something that I want to hear.
