Creeeeeek...
The rod iron gate squeals as I open it and walk into the courtyard. It's mid-afternoon, which means there is still plenty of time to laze by the pool.
"Consuela?" I say as I turn the corner. I can't imagine her lazy fat ass being anywhere else on this beautiful day.
"Mmmmmmm," she coos from her floaty bed. She is exactly where I left her three hours ago. Her skin is a little more bronze; and the inside of one of her calves is a little more white than the other -- so I assume, logically, that at some point she had her legs crossed. But other than that she is in full sloth mode.
"I have a surprise for you!" I say and kick off my shoes, before walking towards the pool's edge.
"Dats nice," she purrs.
"Don't you want to know what it is?" I say as I pull the bottle of champagne out from the paper bag I'm holding. She hears the crinkling of the bag and guesses:
"Yer had da good meeting den?"
I pause.
Whatever happened to those diligent servants who wait on you their whole life? The ones who greet you happily as you enter the door -- grateful to be an integral part of your life. Where are they?
"Open your eyes!" I snap at her. I'm standing there barefoot with a bottle of champagne and she can't even be bothered to take 3 minutes out of her lazy day to feign some sort of excitement.
I must have startled her because she jostles a bit on her floaty bed. A small tidal wave heads towards me as I take a seat on the pool's edge and slip my sweaty feet into the water. I've decided against arguing with Consuela about going upstairs and grabbing two glasses. And so, as she paddles pathetically towards me with one arm, I pop the champagne. We'll drink it straight from the bottle.
The cork flies off into the bushes, and I take a gulp.
Creeeeeeek.
Click. Click. Click.
I turn around to see one of my neighbors enter the courtyard. She smiles. Tall-ish. Blonde-ish. Dressed a little skanky-ish. I think she might be a hooker? It's that type of building.
I smile at her. Hookers are people too.
"Hey!" she says and walks towards me with a big smile. "Are you the one that just moved into 3B?" she asks, as she too kicks off her shoes and settles down beside me. She makes a face to say 'you have the right idea' and also sticks her feet in the pool.
"Yes. I'm Karen." I say, and offer her the bottle of champagne. She happily obliges, tells me her name is Dina -- or maybe it was Pina? And then takes a swig before handing it back.
"What are we celebrating?" she asks. Funny how I get more enthusiasm from a neighbor I just met, than my half-assed housekeeper. I glare at Consuela who shrugs and resumes her previous position on the floaty bed. She doesn't seem to mind that I haven't offered her champagne, so I indulge my attention on Dina...or Pina.
"Well..." I say rather coy to my new friend. "I just got green lit to write the first draft of a screenplay."
"That's fantastic!" she says as I pass the champagne back to her and she takes another swig before continuing:
"That's really great news. Is that why you came out here? Me too, well...sort of. I'm an actress -- well, want to be an actress -- no, am an actress. I've been here 3 years and gone on countless auditions. I've come close many times. My big claim to fame is being Ali Larter's stand-in on that Beyonce movie. But that's huge, right? In any case -- humble beginnings." she says, and finally stops to take a breath.
I can't tell if this neighbor is going to be fun, or annoying. In any case, she is a pleasant alternative to Consuela on this blistering hot afternoon -- and so, feeling happy that she's not a hooker since we are drinking from the same bottle, we pass the champagne back and forth in celebration of all our dreams that are about to come true.
Californication
MANUEL ALEJANDRO MySpace Video
